Parental Alienation Lawyer in Suffolk County, New York

December 7, 2024
Louis L. Sternberg, Esq.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a term used to describe a situation in which one parent attempts to damage, undermine or plainly destroy a child’s relationship with their other parent. It is one of the most serious issues our Suffolk County custody lawyers encounter. There are nearly an infinite number of behaviors and methods of alienation. This can lead to a child rejecting or expressing hostility towards the targeted parent, often without justification. In layman’s terms, parental alienation is essentially a form of brainwashing a child to harm their relationship with the targeted parent.

Parental Alienation is Abuse

While not a specific clinical diagnosis in itself, parental alienation is recognized by mental health professionals and legal practitioners as a form of emotional abuse that can have profound consequences for children. Indeed, parental alienation can be so damaging to the child and their relationship with the targeted parent that the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) recognizes parental alienation as psychological abuse, meaning it can be documented and clinically addressed.

Parental alienation presents a significant challenge in New York custody cases — including cases in Suffolk County Family Court and Suffolk County Supreme Court, as alienation is contrary to the best interests of the child.

Identifying Parental Alienating Behaviors

What qualifies as parental alienation? The question of what qualifies as parental alienation cannot easily be answered alienation can manifest in countless ways. Examples of parental alienation include:

  • Badmouthing. Speaking ill of the targeted parent.
  • Limiting contact. Frustrating visits, calls, and communication between the child and the targeted parent.
  • Interfering with communication. Interrupting a child’s calls with the targeted parent, unduly “supervising” the communication, etc.
  • Interfering with symbolic communication. Refusal to allow pictures of the other parent, keepsakes from events with the targeted parent.
  • Withdrawal of Love. Alienating parent may become distant or punish if the child shows any positive feelings towards the targeted parent.
  • Telling the child that the targeted parent does not love them. Explicitly lying about the targeted parent.
  • Forcing children to choose. Placing the child “in the middle” while exerting undue influence in the child’s decision making process.
  • Creating the impression that the targeted parent is dangerous. Instilling a fear in the child of the targeted parent.
  • Asking the child to keep secrets from the targeted parent / confiding in the child. This is a form of “parentification” wherein the child is psychologically elevated to an exaggerated status pushing the child to unduly side with the alienating parent.
  • Forcing child to reject the targeted parent. Explicitly pushing the child to avoid and disown the targeted parent.
  • Asking the child to spy on the targeted parent. Using the child as a surveillance tool, often implying that the targeted parenting is doing wrong.
  • Referring to the targeted parent by name. Indicating that the other party is less than a parent by ignoring the traditional Mom and Dad titles.
  • Referring to a stepparent as Mom or Dad and encouraging the child to do the same. Giving the impression or implying that the targeted parent is not actually a parent to the child
  • Withholding medical, academic or other important information from targeted parent / keeping targeted parent’s name off of medical, academic or other relevant documentation. Minimizing the targeted parent by creating barriers to their involvement in the child’s upbringing.
  • Changing a child’s name to remove association with targeted parent. Removing any title or name that enables a connection or relationship between the child and the targeted parent.

Symptoms of Parental Alienation

What is the impact of parental alienation? Parental alienation can have devastating consequences for children. Children will suffer both short-term and long-term psychological effects including:

  • Emotional Distress: Children may experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-hatred and difficulty forming healthy relationships. Similarly, children may have difficulty trusting others in the future.
  • Self-Destructive Behaviors and Other Behavioral Problems: Children may exhibit aggression, defiance, substance abuse, eating disorders and unsafe sexual activity. Self-harm and suicidal ideations are also common.
  • Damaged Parent-Child Relationship: The alienated parent may experience a significant loss of connection with their child. The child may denigrate the targeted parent or express unjustified negative thoughts mirroring the alienating parent’s comments. Similarly, the child may deny any positive experiences or memories with the alienated parent.
  • Long-Term Effects: The effects of parental alienation can persist into adulthood, impacting the child’s future relationships and overall well-being. Children who have been subject to alienation are at greater risk of being in unhealthy or abusive relationships as adults.
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How New York Courts Address Parental Alienation

The first New York custody case to recognize the harmful nature of parental alienation is
Entwistle v. Entwistle, 61 A.D.2d 380 (2d Dept.1978). The Appellate Division held that the Mother’s parental alienation “is an act so inconsistent with the best interests of the children as to, per se, raise a strong probability that the mother is unfit to act as custodial parent.” Since that time, the New York Courts have demonstrated an increased understanding of the detrimental effects of parental alienation and have consistently intervened to remedy the issue.

Suffolk County courts regularly apply the principles established in Entwistle and its progeny. Since that decision, New York courts have refined the doctrine considerably.

In Smith v. Bombard, 294 A.D.2d 673 (3d Dept. 2002), the Appellate Division held that proving parental alienation requires evidence that a parent “intentionally” engaged in conduct for the “sole purpose” of alienating the child. The court recognized that occasional negative statements, even in the presence of the children, are not by themselves enough to establish alienation. Smith is significant because it set the bar for intentionality — the alienating behavior must be purposeful and aimed specifically at damaging the child’s relationship with the other parent.

In J.F. v. D.F., 61 Misc. 3d 1226(A) (Sup. Ct. Monroe County 2018), Justice Dollinger authored one of the most thorough judicial analyses of parental alienation in New York to date. The court traced the full doctrinal history from Entwistle forward, drew a clear distinction between parental alienation as a behavioral pattern and parental alienation syndrome as a clinical theory, and concluded that alienation requires more than just the “unjustified frustration of the non-custodial parent’s access.” The decision is a detailed roadmap of what New York courts expect when alienation is alleged and what level of proof the accusing parent must present.

In Matter of Katie S. v. Christopher K., 2021 NY Slip Op 51145(U) (Fam. Ct. Monroe County 2021), the Family Court applied the Entwistle principle directly, holding that “a concerted effort by one parent to interfere with the other parent’s contact with the child is so inimical to the best interests of the child, that it, per se, raises a strong probability that the interfering parent is unfit to act as a custodial parent.” The court awarded sole custody to the mother after finding that the father had engaged in systematic alienating behavior, including making false reports and interfering with the mother’s parenting time.

These cases confirm that New York courts take parental alienation seriously and will modify custody when the evidence supports it, but the burden on the accusing parent is substantial. Proving alienation requires documented, intentional conduct, not just poor co-parenting or mutual hostility between the parents.

New York courts recognize the seriousness of parental alienation and have various tools to address it:

  • Custody and Visitation Orders. Parents can lose custody for parental alienation. Courts can modify custody and visitation orders to protect the child’s relationship with both parents.
  • Therapeutic Interventions. Courts can order therapy for the child and both parents to address the underlying issues contributing to the alienation. It is highly recommended that the Court direct the parties utilize the services of therapists trained and experienced in issues of parental alienation as it is a unique issue requiring particular expertise. Suffolk County has a limited number of mental health professionals with specific experience in parental alienation, and retaining the right expert early in the case can make a significant difference. As discussed in a recent article in Psychology Today, there are varying degrees of parental alienation from relatively mild to extremely severe. The extent of the alienating parent’s behaviors and the extent to which the parent-child relationship has suffered will guide the treatment. In rare instances, the Court may direct a child to participate in a “reunification camp” as detailed in an article in the Atlantic.
  • Supervised Visitation. If the child’s safety or emotional well-being is at risk during visits with the alienating parent, the Court may order supervised visits.
  • Educational Programs. Courts can require parents to attend educational programs about the harmful effects of parental alienation.
  • Parent Coordination. A parent coordinator can be appointed to help parents communicate effectively and reduce conflict, potentially mitigating alienating behaviors.
  • Contempt. If the alienating parent violates court orders related to custody or visitation, they may be held in contempt of court, facing penalties such as fines or even imprisonment.
  • Sanctions: In severe cases, courts can impose sanctions on the alienating parent, such as fines or even a change in custody.

The Four Elements of Parental Alienation in New York

While there is no single statutory definition, New York courts generally look for four elements when evaluating a claim of parental alienation:

  1. Manipulation without justification. The alienating parent engaged in conduct designed to influence the child’s feelings toward the other parent, and that conduct was not based on any legitimate concern such as actual abuse, neglect, or substance abuse.
  2. Intent to damage the relationship. The alienating parent’s purpose was to cause the child to develop a negative view of the targeted parent. Isolated poor judgment or frustration during a difficult co-parenting situation is generally not enough. The court is looking for a pattern of deliberate interference.
  3. A resulting change in the child’s behavior. The alienating conduct actually caused the child to reject, fear, or express hostility toward the targeted parent. Courts and forensic evaluators will assess whether the child’s negative feelings are proportionate to any real experience with the targeted parent or whether they mirror the alienating parent’s language and attitudes.
  4. Refusal to spend time with the targeted parent. The child resists or refuses visitation, communication, or any meaningful relationship with the targeted parent. This is often the most visible symptom and frequently what brings the issue before the court.

Establishing all four elements typically requires a combination of documentary evidence, witness testimony, and expert evaluation. A parent who can demonstrate each element has a strong foundation for seeking a custody modification or other relief from the court.

Legal Strategies and Proving Parental Alienation in New York Custody Cases

Knowing alienation is occurring is one thing but how do you prove parental alienation? What evidence is needed to prove parental alienation? Proving parental alienation can be extraordinarily difficult as the deterioration of the parent-child relationship is frequently blamed on the supposed bad acts of targeted parent. If you believe you are a victim of parental alienation, it’s crucial to consult with an experienced family law attorney. Here are some legal strategies they may employ:

  1. Document Everything: Keep detailed records of all interactions with the other parent, including emails, text messages, phone calls, and any instances of alienating behavior. Similarly, note any actions by the child that are indicative of the alienation. Note dates, times, and specific examples of what was said or done.  Use of specific software intended for separated parents including OurFamilyWizard is recommended.
  2. Gather Evidence: Collect any evidence that supports your claims of parental alienation. Generally, objective evidence is the strongest but any competent evidence is valuable. This may include:
    • Testimony from witnesses: Friends, family members, teachers, or therapists who have observed the alienating behavior.  
    • Social media posts: Screenshots of social media posts that demonstrate the other parent’s attempts to alienate the child.  
    • School records: School records may show that the targeted parent is not named as the child’s parent or is not permitted access to records.  
    • Medical records: Much like school records, medical records may show the attempts by the alienating parent to marginalize the targeted parent. Additionally, medical records may demonstrate that a child has suffered health concerns that have not been conveyed to the targeted parent.
  3. Mental Health Experts: Clinical interviews and standardized testing may be employed to assess the child’s emotional state as well as whether the estrangement may be the result of organic issues or valid reasoning.
  4. Hire a Parental Alienation Lawyer: Litigating a parental alienation case in Suffolk County requires specific expertise and skill. Retaining the right lawyer is critical to establishing each element of parental alienation and demonstrating the gravity of the situation.

Role of Experts in NY Parental Alienation Cases

Mental health professionals play a critical role in assessing, addressing and proving parental alienation in Suffolk County and throughout New York. Their expertise can assist the court in:

  • Conduct Evaluations: Experts can evaluate the family dynamics and assess the extent of alienation.
  • Provide Testimony: Experts can testify in court about their findings and recommendations.
  • Offer Therapy: Experts can provide therapy to the child and parents to address the emotional and psychological impact of alienation.
  • Developing Treatment Plans: In the hopes of addressing long-term behaviors and effects, experts can recommend and implement long-term therapeutic interventions designed to address the enduring issues contributing to the alienation and facilitate reunification between the child and the targeted parent.

Frequently Asked Questions About Parental Alienation in New York

What is parental alienation in New York?

Parental alienation occurs when one parent deliberately damages or destroys a child’s relationship with the other parent. This can involve badmouthing, interfering with visitation, lying to the child about the other parent, or any number of manipulative behaviors designed to turn a child against the targeted parent. New York courts recognize parental alienation as contrary to the best interests of the child and have broad authority to intervene, including by modifying custody.

Is parental alienation a crime in New York?

Parental alienation is not a standalone crime under New York law. However, it is recognized as a form of psychological abuse and can carry serious consequences in custody and visitation proceedings. A parent found to have engaged in alienating behavior may face a change of custody, supervised visitation, contempt of court, and court-ordered therapy.

Can you lose custody for parental alienation in New York?

Yes. New York courts have held that parental alienation is so inconsistent with the best interests of the child that it can, by itself, raise a strong probability that the alienating parent is unfit for custody. In Entwistle v. Entwistle, 61 A.D.2d 380 (2d Dept. 1978), the Appellate Division ruled that a mother’s alienating conduct was grounds to reconsider her fitness as a custodial parent. Courts continue to apply this principle and have transferred custody from an alienating parent to the targeted parent in appropriate cases.

How do you prove parental alienation in a New York custody case?

Proving parental alienation generally requires establishing four elements: (1) the alienating parent manipulated the child without legitimate justification; (2) the alienating parent intended to cause the child to view the targeted parent negatively; (3) the alienating conduct actually caused the child to reject the targeted parent; and (4) the child refused to spend time with the targeted parent. Evidence typically includes text messages, emails, social media posts, testimony from witnesses such as teachers and therapists, school and medical records, and reports from forensic evaluators.

What is the difference between parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome?

Parental alienation refers to the observable pattern of behavior in which one parent undermines a child’s relationship with the other parent. Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a more controversial clinical concept proposed by Dr. Richard Gardner in 1985. PAS has not been accepted into the DSM as a formal diagnosis and New York courts have generally not adopted it as a recognized syndrome. The distinction matters because New York courts focus on the alienating conduct and its effect on the child rather than attempting to diagnose a clinical syndrome.

Can parental alienation be used as grounds for a custody modification in New York?

Yes. Evidence of parental alienation can constitute a “change in circumstances” sufficient to warrant modification of an existing custody order under New York law. The court will evaluate whether the alienating conduct has made the current custody arrangement contrary to the best interests of the child and whether a modification is necessary to protect the child’s relationship with both parents.

What role do forensic evaluators play in parental alienation cases?

Forensic evaluators, typically psychologists or psychiatrists, conduct clinical interviews and standardized testing to assess family dynamics, the child’s emotional state, and whether the child’s estrangement from a parent is the result of alienation or has some other legitimate cause. Their reports and testimony can carry significant weight with the court. In alienation cases, it is important that the evaluator have specific training and experience with parental alienation, as it presents distinct clinical issues that require particular expertise.

Suffolk County, NY Attorney for Parental Alienation Custody Cases

Parental alienation cases in Suffolk County are heard in both Suffolk County Family Court in Central Islip and the Matrimonial Part of Suffolk County Supreme Court in Riverhead, depending on whether the parents were married and the procedural posture of the case. Both courts have the authority to appoint attorneys for the children, order forensic custody evaluations, direct therapeutic interventions, and modify custody and visitation orders when alienation is established.

The Law Office of Louis L. Sternberg has represented both targeted parents and parents defending against alienation claims in Suffolk County. Our attorneys understand the local procedures, the evaluators and experts who practice in this area, and the level of evidence these courts expect. Parental alienation cases require extensive preparation before the first court appearance, and the earlier you retain experienced counsel, the stronger your position will be.

If you have been the victim of parental alienation, if you are being wrongfully denied visitation with your children, or if the other parent is making false reports about you, contact us immediately at 631-600-3295. Time is critical when addressing parental alienation because the longer alienating behavior continues unchecked, the more difficult it becomes to repair the parent-child relationship. Schedule a free consultation to discuss your Long Island custody and parental alienation case, or use our online intake form to schedule your appointment. We are here to help.


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