Parental Alienation

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a term used to describe a situation in which one parent attempts to damage, undermine or plainly destroy a child’s relationship with their other parent. There are nearly an infinite number of behaviors and methods of alienation. This can lead to a child rejecting or expressing hostility towards the targeted parent, often without justification. In layman’s terms, parental alienation is essentially a form of brainwashing a child to harm their relationship with the targeted parent.

Parental Alienation is Abuse

While not a specific clinical diagnosis in itself, parental alienation is recognized by mental health professionals and legal practitioners as a form of emotional abuse that can have profound consequences for children. Indeed, parental alienation can be so damaging to the child and their relationship with the targeted parent that the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) recognizes parental alienation as psychological abuse, meaning it can be documented and clinically addressed.

Parental alienation presents a significant challenge in New York custody cases as alienation is contrary to best interests of the child.

Identifying Parental Alienating Behaviors

The question of what qualifies as parental alienation cannot easily be answered alienation can manifest in countless ways. Examples of parental alienation include:

• Badmouthing. Speaking ill of the targeted parent.
• Limiting contact. Frustrating visits, calls, and communication between the child and the targeted parent.
• Interfering with communication. Interrupting a child’s calls with the targeted parent, unduly “supervising” the communication, etc.
• Interfering with symbolic communication. Refusal to allow pictures of the other parent, keepsakes from events with the targeted parent.
• Withdrawal of Love. Alienating parent may become distant or punish if the child shows any positive feelings towards the targeted parent.
• Telling the child that the targeted parent does not love them. Explicitly lying about the targeted parent.
• Forcing children to choose. Placing the child “in the middle” while exerting undue influence in the child’s decision making process.
• Creating the impression that the targeted parent is dangerous. Instilling a fear in the child of the targeted parent.
• Asking the child to keep secrets from the targeted parent / confiding in the child. This is a form of “parentification” wherein the child is psychologically elevated to an exaggerated status pushing the child to unduly side with the alienating parent.
• Forcing child to reject the targeted parent. Explicitly pushing the child to avoid and disown the targeted parent.
• Asking the child to spy on the targeted parent. Using the child as a surveillance tool, often implying that the targeted parenting is doing wrong.
• Referring to the targeted parent by name. Indicating that the other party is less than a parent by ignoring the traditional Mom and Dad titles.
• Referring to a stepparent as Mom or Dad and encouraging the child to do the same. Giving the impression or implying that the targeted parent is not actually a parent to the child
• Withholding medical, academic or other important information from targeted parent / keeping targeted parent’s name off of medical, academic or other relevant documentation. Minimizing the targeted parent by creating barriers to their involvement in the child’s upbringing.
• Changing a child’s name to remove association with targeted parent. Removing any title or name that enables a connection or relationship between the child and the targeted parent.

Symptoms of Parental Alienation

Parental alienation can have devastating consequences for children. Children will suffer both short-term and long-term psychological effects including:

• Emotional Distress: Children may experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-hatred and difficulty forming healthy relationships. Similarly, children may have difficulty trusting others in the future.
• Self-Destructive Behaviors and Other Behavioral Problems: Children may exhibit aggression, defiance, substance abuse, eating disorders and unsafe sexual activity. Self-harm and suicidal ideations are also common.
• Damaged Parent-Child Relationship: The alienated parent may experience a significant loss of connection with their child. The child may denigrate the targeted parent or express unjustified negative thoughts mirroring the alienating parent’s comments. Similarly, the child may deny any positive experiences or memories with the alienated parent.
• Long-Term Effects: The effects of parental alienation can persist into adulthood, impacting the child’s future relationships and overall well-being. Children who have been subject to alienation are at greater risk of being in unhealthy or abusive relationships as adults.

How New York Courts Address Parental Alienation

The first New York custody case to recognize the harmful nature of parental alienation is
Entwistle v. Entwistle, 61 A.D.2d 380 (2d Dept.1978). The Appellate Division held that the Mother’s parental alienation “is an act so inconsistent with the best interests of the children as to, per se, raise a strong probability that the mother is unfit to act as custodial parent.” Since that time, the New York Courts have demonstrated an increased understanding of the detrimental effects of parental alienation and have consistently intervened to remedy the issue.

New York courts recognize the seriousness of parental alienation and have various tools to address it:

• Custody and Visitation Orders. Parents can lose custody for parental alienation. Courts can modify custody and visitation orders to protect the child’s relationship with both parents.
• Therapeutic Interventions. Courts can order therapy for the child and both parents to address the underlying issues contributing to the alienation. It is highly recommended that the Court direct the parties utilize the services of therapists trained and experienced in issues of parental alienation as it is a unique issue requiring particular expertise. As discussed in a recent article in Psychology Today, there are varying degrees of parental alienation from relatively mild to extremely severe. The extent of the alienating parent’s behaviors and the extent to which the parent-child relationship has suffered will guide the treatment. In rare instances, the Court may direct a child to participate in a “reunification camp” as detailed in an article in the Atlantic.
• Supervised Visitation. If the child’s safety or emotional well-being is at risk during visits with the alienating parent, the Court may order supervised visits.
• Educational Programs. Courts can require parents to attend educational programs about the harmful effects of parental alienation.
• Parent Coordination. A parent coordinator can be appointed to help parents communicate effectively and reduce conflict, potentially mitigating alienating behaviors.
• Contempt. If the alienating parent violates court orders related to custody or visitation, they may be held in contempt of court, facing penalties such as fines or even imprisonment.
• Sanctions: In severe cases, courts can impose sanctions on the alienating parent, such as fines or even a change in custody.

Legal Strategies and Proving Parental Alienation in New York Custody Cases

What evidence is needed to prove parental alienation? Proving parental alienation can be extraordinarily difficult as the deterioration of the parent-child relationship is frequently blamed on the supposed bad acts of targeted parent. If you believe you are a victim of parental alienation, it’s crucial to consult with an experienced family law attorney. Here are some legal strategies they may employ:

1. Document Everything: Keep detailed records of all interactions with the other parent, including emails, text messages, phone calls, and any instances of alienating behavior. Similarly, note any actions by the child that are indicative of the alienation. Note dates, times, and specific examples of what was said or done.  Use of specific software intended for separated parents including OurFamilyWizard is recommended.
2. Gather Evidence: Collect any evidence that supports your claims of parental alienation. Generally, objective evidence is the strongest but any competent evidence is valuable. This may include:
   • Testimony from witnesses: Friends, family members, teachers, or therapists who have observed the alienating behavior.  
   • Social media posts: Screenshots of social media posts that demonstrate the other parent’s attempts to alienate the child.  
   • School records: School records may show that the targeted parent is not named as the child’s parent or is not permitted access to records.  
   • Medical records: Much like school records, medical records may show the attempts by the alienating parent to marginalize the targeted parent. Additionally, medical records may demonstrate that a child has suffered health concerns that have not been conveyed to the targeted parent.
3. Mental Health Experts: Clinical interviews and standardized testing may be employed to assess the child’s emotional state as well as whether the estrangement may be the result of organic issues or valid reasoning.
4. Hire a Parental Alienation Lawyer: Litigation a parental alienation case in NY requires a special expertise and skill. Retaining the right lawyer is critical to establishing each element of parental alienation and demonstrating the gravity of the situation.

Role of Experts in NY Parental Alienation Cases

Mental health professionals play a critical role in assessing and addressing parental alienation in NY. Their expertise can assist the court in:

• Conduct Evaluations: Experts can evaluate the family dynamics and assess the extent of alienation.
• Provide Testimony: Experts can testify in court about their findings and recommendations.
• Offer Therapy: Experts can provide therapy to the child and parents to address the emotional and psychological impact of alienation.
• Developing Treatment Plans: In the hopes of addressing long-term behaviors and effects, experts can recommend and implement long-term therapeutic interventions designed to address the enduring issues contributing to the alienation and facilitate reunification between the child and the targeted parent.

Suffolk County, NY Attorney for Parental Alienation Custody Cases

Parental alienation is a serious issue that will have long-lasting consequences for children and parents. New York courts are committed to protecting children from the harmful effects of alienation and promoting healthy parent-child relationships.

If you have been the victim of parental alienation, if you are being wrongly denied visitation with your children or or if the other parent is making false reports about you, you should consider contacting an experienced Suffolk County child custody lawyer immediately. Time is of the essence when addressing parental alienation and proper litigation of an parental alienation case in New York requires extensive planning and preparation. Our experienced divorce and family law attorneys will guide you through the process from the pre-litigation phases through enforcement of all custody orders. Contact a parental alienation lawyer today for a free consultation to discuss your Long Island custody and parental alienation case. Use our online intake form to schedule your appointment. We are here to help.