Coercive Control in Divorce and Custody Cases in New York

What is Coercive Control?

There has been an increasing demand for New York divorce courts to apply a broader definition of domestic violence — one that includes the well-established concept of coercive control. Coercion and coercive control are increasingly recognized as a form of domestic violence and have been embraced by several other states in the U.S., most notably Connecticut, California, and Hawaii. In New York, courts across Suffolk County, Nassau County, and the rest of Long Island are beginning to consider coercive control as a factor in custody and divorce cases, but the law has not yet caught up to the lived experiences of many victims.

Unlike physical violence, which often leaves visible injuries, coercive control operates through a pattern of domination and psychological manipulation. A controlling spouse may never throw a punch but can still cause lasting harm by stripping their partner of independence, self-worth, and the ability to make decisions freely. For families in Suffolk County and across Long Island, understanding coercive control is essential — both for those seeking to escape an abusive relationship and for attorneys, judges, and evaluators who must assess these dynamics in court.

Forms of Coercive Control

Coercive control involves one partner’s persistent and threatening control over the other. It is designed to make the victim dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence, and regulating their everyday behavior. Acts such as the following, when they occur as part of a pattern during the course of a relationship, can constitute coercive control:

• Constant name-calling, verbal put-downs, and other degrading or dehumanizing statements
• Depriving the partner of basic needs such as food, sleep, or medical services
• Forbidding the partner from seeing or talking to family and friends
• Controlling what the partner wears, when they can sleep, or how they spend their time
• Withholding money or restricting access to financial accounts
• Monitoring the partner’s movements and communications using spyware, GPS tracking, social media surveillance, or other technologies
• Threatening harm to children, pets, or loved ones to maintain compliance
• Using immigration status as leverage to prevent a partner from seeking help
• Controlling the partner’s employment, including forcing them to work a lesser-paying job or to not work at all
• Any other non-physical but oppressive behaviors designed to undermine the partner’s autonomy

(See Richard A. Dollinger & Alan Feigenbaum, Repeat After Me: Coercive Control is Domestic Violence, New York Law Journal, July 22, 2022; see also Gillian R. Chadwick & Stef Sloan, Coercive Control in High-Conflict Custody Litigation, 57 Fam. L.Q. 31 (2023-24)).

Effects of Coercive Control on Custody Cases

The effects of coercive control in custody litigation are significant. They often influence the outcome of cases in ways that can further victimize the abused party. Victims may struggle with communication, display signs of anxiety or depression, and find it difficult to articulate the abuse they have experienced. This can lead to a misinterpretation of their emotional and psychological state by judges, attorneys, and custody evaluators — particularly in Suffolk County Family Court and Supreme Court, where high caseloads limit the time available for each case.

Perpetrators of coercive control frequently use the legal system itself as a tool of continued abuse. This can include filing excessive motions, dragging out discovery, making false accusations, and manipulating court processes to intimidate or financially drain their victims. In contested divorce cases, this dynamic can lead to unjust custody decisions where the safety and well-being of children and their abused parent are compromised.

Research published in the American Bar Association’s Family Law Quarterly has confirmed that custody arrangements such as unsupervised exchanges can expose parents and children to ongoing coercive control, and that continued co-victimization can have serious effects on a child’s short-term and long-term mental and physical development.

Coercive Control in Child Support and Maintenance Cases

Coercive control is not limited to custody disputes. In cases involving child support and spousal maintenance, a party may assert coercion to establish that a spouse essentially forced them to work a lesser-paying job or to not work at all. Financial abuse — including withholding access to bank accounts, limiting employment, and controlling all household spending — is one of the most common and least understood forms of coercive control. When courts are evaluating imputed income, maintenance awards, or the equitable distribution of marital assets, evidence of financial coercion can be critical.

Recognizing Coercive Control in Custody Cases

Identifying coercive control can be challenging, especially in legal settings where abusers often present themselves as charming and reasonable. However, there are red flags to watch for:

• Inconsistent Accounts: Significant discrepancies between the abuser’s public persona and the victim’s descriptions of their behavior at home.
• Controlling Behavior in Litigation: The abuser’s primary goal appears to be maintaining control over the victim’s actions and choices, rather than reaching a fair resolution of the divorce or custody issues.
• Blaming the Victim: The abuser consistently blames the victim for the relationship breakdown and any problems that arise, often using language designed to make the victim appear unstable or irrational.
• Undermining the Victim’s Parenting: The abuser attempts to portray the victim as an unfit parent, alienate the children from the victim, or use the children as tools of control.
• Escalating Conflict: The abuser uses every opportunity to create conflict and drama, prolonging the legal process and increasing costs — a tactic sometimes called “litigation abuse” or “legal bullying.”
• Gaslighting: The abuser denies the victim’s reality, insisting that events did not happen or that the victim is “imagining things,” causing the victim to question their own perceptions and memory.

Protecting Victims of Coercive Control in Divorce

Addressing coercive control in divorce and custody cases requires a comprehensive approach. For families in Suffolk County and across Long Island, the following strategies are essential:

• Education and Training: Legal professionals, judges, custody evaluators, and social workers need training to recognize and understand the dynamics of coercive control. Pending New York legislation (S8633) would require the Office of Court Administration to develop and administer mandatory training for judges and court clerks on coercive control.
• Thorough Investigations: Custody evaluations should include a comprehensive assessment of family dynamics, including interviews with both parents, children, and other relevant individuals such as teachers, therapists, and family members who can speak to the pattern of control.
• Safety Planning: Victims need support in developing safety plans to protect themselves and their children from further abuse. An experienced domestic violence attorney can help coordinate safety planning alongside the legal case.
• Orders of Protection: Victims may be eligible for orders of protection based on patterns of coercive control. Under pending legislation, coercive control would be explicitly added to the list of family offenses for which an order of protection can be issued.
• Advocacy and Support: Victims need access to advocates who can help them through the legal system and connect them with local resources, including the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Unit and the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233).
• Custody and Visitation Orders: Custody and visitation arrangements should prioritize the safety and well-being of the children and limit the abuser’s opportunities for continued control. This may include supervised visitation, supervised exchanges, or restrictions on communication.

Pending Coercive Control Legislation in New York

As of early 2026, New York does not yet have a statute that specifically defines coercive control or criminalizes it as a standalone offense. However, several bills are moving through the Legislature that could change this:

• Senate Bill S8633 (introduced December 2025 by Senator Rachel May) would add a formal definition of coercive control to the Family Court Act, add coercive control to the list of family offenses, authorize courts to issue orders of protection based on a finding of coercive control, require courts to consider evidence of coercive control in custody and visitation determinations, and mandate judicial training. This bill is currently before the Senate Committee on Children and Families.
• Assembly Bill A679 and Senate Bill S4079 (2025-2026 session) would establish coercive control as a Class E felony under Penal Law Section 135.80. These bills define coercive control as a course of conduct against a family or household member that limits or restricts the victim’s behavior, movement, associations, or access to finances. Versions of this bill have been introduced in every legislative session since 2019.

Even without a standalone statute, New York courts already have authority to consider patterns of coercive behavior when making custody and visitation determinations under Domestic Relations Law Section 240, which requires courts to consider the effect of domestic violence on the best interests of the child. Several states, including Connecticut (through “Jennifer’s Law”), California, and Hawaii, have enacted statutes that specifically address coercive control, and New York appears poised to follow.

Domestic Violence and Coercive Control in New York

The effects of coercive control can be psychologically devastating and can have a far longer negative impact on the victim than a broken bone resulting from physical violence. This not only affects the victimized partner but can also have lasting effects on children who are forced to witness or experience this type of violence from a parent. In custody cases, coercion and gaslighting are often offered to explain a party’s behaviors that would otherwise appear to be contrary to the best interests of the child.

A victim of coercive control should not have to suffer this psychological abuse in silence. If you or someone you know has been experiencing coercive control at the hands of their partner, the Law Office of Louis L. Sternberg has been raising awareness of this often-overlooked form of domestic violence in matrimonial and family law actions across Suffolk County, Nassau County, and Long Island for over 15 years. Contact our Hauppauge office at (631) 600-3295 or use our free consultation form to discuss your case.

Frequently Asked Questions About Coercive Control

Is coercive control a crime in New York?

As of early 2026, coercive control is not a standalone criminal offense in New York. However, bills are pending in the Legislature (A679/S4079) that would make it a Class E felony. Even without a standalone statute, many behaviors that constitute coercive control — such as stalking, harassment, and certain forms of intimidation — are already crimes under existing New York law. Additionally, courts can consider coercive control as a factor in custody, visitation, and orders of protection proceedings.

How does coercive control affect custody decisions in New York?

Under Domestic Relations Law Section 240, New York courts are required to consider the effect of domestic violence on the best interests of the child when making custody and visitation determinations. While the statute does not yet specifically mention coercive control by name, courts have broad discretion to consider patterns of controlling and manipulative behavior. Pending legislation (S8633) would explicitly require courts to consider coercive control in these determinations.

Can I get an order of protection for coercive control in Suffolk County?

Currently, orders of protection in Suffolk County Family Court or Supreme Court are typically issued for enumerated family offenses such as assault, harassment, stalking, and menacing. However, many forms of coercive control overlap with these offenses. Pending legislation would add coercive control itself to the list of family offenses. An experienced Suffolk County domestic violence lawyer can evaluate your situation and advise you on the best legal options available now.

What is the difference between coercive control and domestic violence?

Domestic violence traditionally refers to physical acts of violence between intimate partners or family members. Coercive control is a broader concept that encompasses ongoing patterns of non-physical abuse, including financial control, isolation, surveillance, threats, and psychological manipulation. Many experts consider coercive control to be the most dangerous and damaging form of domestic violence because it is harder to detect, harder to prove, and can cause lasting psychological harm. Physical violence often occurs within a broader context of coercive control.

How can I prove coercive control in my divorce or custody case?

Proving coercive control requires documenting the pattern of behavior over time. Useful evidence can include text messages, emails, financial records showing restricted access, testimony from family members and friends who witnessed the controlling behavior, records from therapists or counselors, GPS or surveillance evidence, and a detailed timeline of incidents. Working with a family law attorney who understands coercive control dynamics is critical, because presenting this evidence effectively requires a different approach than traditional domestic violence cases.